2018 --a musical roundup + reflection

if you couldn’t already tell, i am a very musically-inclined person. music runs through my veins— in every cell. i allow music to roll over me, the beats to pulsate to the very core of my being. i think the most important part about music, is that it helps me feel—in sadness and in celebration. it becomes a marker of time. looking back on the music i listened to on certain occasions—momentous or not, can bring back emotions and feelings i might have forgotten. this year, i built organic collections each month, adding music as it resonated with me, to playlists. below is an outline to my year: what happened, and the playlists that resulted.

JANUARY

2018 was a weird fucking year. the more i speak with friends and colleagues, the more i realize how energetically intertwined we all are, and that we experience the universal pulls together. for me, 2018 began with a pulled lower back that brought me to my knees in writhing pain, crying to my mum in a bathtub that I couldn’t put on my own socks and needed a lover if only to put my socks on for me in these frigid weeks of January. my body did not heal fast enough, and i was slammed with the flu—the gnarly one that spread early this year. i ate asian pears and drank la croix alone for a week straight, not having the energy to cook or buy groceries. it was pretty horrid. i was bored stiff, unable to do much but watch tv, and this brought me to online dating—something that i had abandoned for a while. i logged on to ok cupid, a platform i had last used when living in nyc. i met a guy.

FEBRUARY

i won a job that brought me to california mid month, followed by an adventurous filming trip to guatemala—my first time in latin america. i was in the honeymoon phase with my new man, and he was beyond supportive. he cuddled me when i felt anxious about the very big opportunities before me, and planned to celebrate my birthday together in new york city at the end of the month. february was a month of newness, sparkly adventure. incredible energy and bright sun. when our trip arrived, he left me, three days in, alone, in an air bnb in new york, the day after my birthday. he left with no explanation, and i felt worthless.

MARCH

march was a month of self-reflection, introversion. i was a shell of myself, ready for the springtime sun to make an appearance, and feeling antsy to get to more travel to erase my soul of heartbreak.

APRIL

the sun began to shine a bit warmer, and i felt myself unraveling from the tight cocoon of winter and sadness. i was greeted with fresh clients, exciting new projects, and a love of afro beats (and strangely enough, throwback early ‘00’s music) that wouldn’t seem to go away. every morning i’d light a rose inscense, open up the windows in my living room, and dance in floaty dresses in the sun beams, smiling because my soul was alight with newness.

MAY

this month i began to dream. dreaming of big places, big career developments, soul changes. spring turned to summer and i made it to the cover of a local magazine, floating in a pool in a bathing suit. win in my books. i closed a chapter with a past lover and felt whole again.

JUNE

i drove to charleston to meet like-minded women in the food space, and to film a very big, new client. i visited all of my favorite spots, and soaked up the early summer weather in the south, complete with lots of barbecue ribs and collards. i signed on a new, big client in dc, and my heart floated on a cloud. it’s still there.

JULY

july brought me to new york city, making exciting new connections, and having lots of fun reminiscing on my old haunts. i miss the city, and its always fun to visit. lots and lots of shoots in the district too this month in floaty dresses—looking like a true artist. i drove to michigan, and filmed another project, while exploring the town of ann arbor.

AUGUST

august was really the month where my soul healed completely and fully, for the first time in years. august took me to the sandy shores of oahu with my best friend. a trip that did not feel real for its entirety, to a place that was downright magical, mystical, and soul-filling. i still don’t have the words, months later, for this place. i ran into the pacific waters for the first time in my life, holding hands with ryan. we splashed around like kids, drove through the mountainous terrain in our rented convertible, blasting arianna grande. we ate all the local foods and wore bathing suits under our clothes every day so that we could pull off the road at any point to jump into the impossibly blue ocean. it brought me incredible peace, deep within my core being. i sat back, my face turned up toward the sky, and i smiled. i was finally home.

SEPTEMBER

the sense of adventure and wanderlust was fresh in my being, and i was asked to travel to the unfamiliar lands of georgia (the country) with a restaurant team. we took the long journey to qatar and then to tbilisi, trying so many delicious amber wines, picking grapes right off the vines, tasting tons of delicious foods. we were treated to many supras, dining around strangers’ tables, welcomed in like family. we became family. i bonded with my team so much so that back in the district, i hug them all so hard whenever i see them.

OCTOBER

i never want to stop traveling, and felt a deep sense of inner pride, reflecting back on 2018, realizing how many flights i’ve been on, despite my (in the past, debilitating) fear of flying. ryan and i got to go to palm springs for a conference on wellness. we spent our days learning, listening, relaxing. we drove into the depths of the desert to joshua tree, where we stayed in a magical little home surrounded by joshua trees and horses. we finished in l.a., my first time in the city. i explored, connected, tuned in.

NOVEMBER

a month of reflection, a month to begin movements to hibernation. the days are shorter, the weather is cooler. i looked forward to being home to reflect on this year and set intentions for the new one. i have a deep sense of peace within me, a feeling of satisfaction, wholeness, independence. i meditate, i’m introverted. i keep music playing in my space, bathing in the beautiful tunes. i deleted all of my dating apps for complete certain and it felt insanely good. free of the shackles, and ready for organic life to happen when its fine and ready.

DECEMBER

unlike most holiday seasons, this one feels different. i am not sad, i am not feeling alone. i feel surrounded by love, support, light. i am greeted with beautiful routined mornings. i am falling asleep earlier, and waking up earlier. i feel renewed.